Parenting Two Children Is Easier Said Than Done
In the last week, I have finally come to the realization that parenting two children is tough and challenging. It’s like we have to come up with new rules, solutions, and discipline as we go. I have been reading articles on various parenting sites, reading information from books, and just talking about parenting with the hubs. We really didn’t think it was going to be this hard and now we know that it is not easy. It is downright frustrating sometimes! I’m going to be honest and say my life as a mommy was much easier when I only had one child. Parenting two children is so much harder than one. I couldn’t even imagine having more than two!
At present, the 5 year old is having trouble listening and going by our rules. He is constantly wanting to negotiate and the 21 month old is just very needy!
We have two boys and they are 3 years apart. One is 5 years old and the other is 21 months. They are not on the same level obviously so it is difficult to divide time up and do things with them that they both like at the same time. The 21 month old commands a lot of attention from me and as of late the 5 year old has begun to be a little clingier as well. It seems like the boys are total opposites of each other but the 21 month old wants to hang around with his big brother at all times. However, big brother doesn’t want the baby around him when he is playing alone which creates a LOT of conflict as one would imagine. It seems as though there is a little bit of sibling rivalry going on. Don’t get me wrong, my two boys love each other and the oldest is very helpful to his brother but some days they just don’t get along.
Does anyone have a solution or a parenting book that has helped them? I’m all for any book as long as it promotes positive parenting and no spanking! Or even just any advice to make it just a little bit less frustrating?
I love my boys more than anything and I spend as much time with them as I possibly can. I am a stay at home mom but I am also a work at home mom so I'm sure part of the problem also lies in my finding ways to balance all of these roles and being able to give my boys all the attention they need. So in all there are many issues to consider..LOL...
>Go to the Mom blog Homepage
In the last week, I have finally come to the realization that parenting two children is tough and challenging. It’s like we have to come up with new rules, solutions, and discipline as we go. I have been reading articles on various parenting sites, reading information from books, and just talking about parenting with the hubs. We really didn’t think it was going to be this hard and now we know that it is not easy. It is downright frustrating sometimes! I’m going to be honest and say my life as a mommy was much easier when I only had one child. Parenting two children is so much harder than one. I couldn’t even imagine having more than two!
At present, the 5 year old is having trouble listening and going by our rules. He is constantly wanting to negotiate and the 21 month old is just very needy!
We have two boys and they are 3 years apart. One is 5 years old and the other is 21 months. They are not on the same level obviously so it is difficult to divide time up and do things with them that they both like at the same time. The 21 month old commands a lot of attention from me and as of late the 5 year old has begun to be a little clingier as well. It seems like the boys are total opposites of each other but the 21 month old wants to hang around with his big brother at all times. However, big brother doesn’t want the baby around him when he is playing alone which creates a LOT of conflict as one would imagine. It seems as though there is a little bit of sibling rivalry going on. Don’t get me wrong, my two boys love each other and the oldest is very helpful to his brother but some days they just don’t get along.
Does anyone have a solution or a parenting book that has helped them? I’m all for any book as long as it promotes positive parenting and no spanking! Or even just any advice to make it just a little bit less frustrating?
I love my boys more than anything and I spend as much time with them as I possibly can. I am a stay at home mom but I am also a work at home mom so I'm sure part of the problem also lies in my finding ways to balance all of these roles and being able to give my boys all the attention they need. So in all there are many issues to consider..LOL... >Go to the Mom blog Homepage
At present, the 5 year old is having trouble listening and going by our rules. He is constantly wanting to negotiate and the 21 month old is just very needy!
We have two boys and they are 3 years apart. One is 5 years old and the other is 21 months. They are not on the same level obviously so it is difficult to divide time up and do things with them that they both like at the same time. The 21 month old commands a lot of attention from me and as of late the 5 year old has begun to be a little clingier as well. It seems like the boys are total opposites of each other but the 21 month old wants to hang around with his big brother at all times. However, big brother doesn’t want the baby around him when he is playing alone which creates a LOT of conflict as one would imagine. It seems as though there is a little bit of sibling rivalry going on. Don’t get me wrong, my two boys love each other and the oldest is very helpful to his brother but some days they just don’t get along.
Does anyone have a solution or a parenting book that has helped them? I’m all for any book as long as it promotes positive parenting and no spanking! Or even just any advice to make it just a little bit less frustrating?
I love my boys more than anything and I spend as much time with them as I possibly can. I am a stay at home mom but I am also a work at home mom so I'm sure part of the problem also lies in my finding ways to balance all of these roles and being able to give my boys all the attention they need. So in all there are many issues to consider..LOL... >Go to the Mom blog Homepage
18 Comments:
I have no advice, since I still only have one child. But I do enjoy reading blogs of those with more than one, since we plan to try for a second soon. I'll admit to being a little scared at how I'm going to handle two!
I'm sorry you're having problems with them at the moment, and I hope you get a lot of good advice!
I have no help to offer, we just have one kid at the moment. I can only imagine how hard it is to balance both.
I guess setting time aside for each one. And allowing the oldest to have a little time on his own may help!?!?!
Good Luck!
oh my. when you do figure all these out, please let me know. LOL. Nicky's now 7 and the baby we're expecting will come out in October. By the time the baby can do anything other than poop, Nicky will be 8. How to raise both of them with this big gap is something I will have to know how to do when I get there, i guess.
I bet it is hard. I know it is challenging with my little guy and the addition of another I'm sure will increase the demands. I watched parts of the Super Nanny marathon on Sun. on ABC Family. I am amazed at the benefits the families have received because of the interventions. The techniques were pretty straight forward and simple. I won't go into the details, but I bet she has a book. It really seemed to work for the families she helped. Good luck. Keep us posted!
I don't know how people with more than 2 do it. I think they're slightly insane.
Two is so much harder than one. People think that having them close together is hard, but I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and it's like having 2 different only childs. You have to have two different parenting styles, two different discipline styles and two different sets of rules. I'm mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted. If you find something that works, write a book, because there are millions of mothers looking for this answer.
2 is harder than one. My lifestyle changed alot too. I at least have the advantage of having one in Pre-K so he gets to play and miss us. When he gets home he is ready to play with his brother. The older ones has come up with so many things for them to do together even though they are different ages. He makes forts and pretends they are camping. WE have one of those Laugh N Learn homes and he finds ways to play house and he is the daddy and Peyton is the baby. Tyler does get mad when he is coloring and drawing and P is bothering him. As you know ARTWORK is very important stuff to him LOL. Hope things get better. I have no advice on discipline or books because I have a different style but good luck:)
Mine are 6 yrs apart as you know. When our 10 yr old is in school it helps because she misses him and can't wait to play with him when she gets home. Then when she is on breaks they fight more often. I make sure that she gets alone time so the rule is, if her door is shut, we can't bother her. If she is not wanting to play with him very much though, then I just remind her that when she wants him to play with her, he doesn't have to say yes. She usually ends up playing with him then.
Having two can be crazy, but then other times it can be easier. The older one can hang with the younger one, playing or whatever.
But then there are fights...and then they kiss and make up and all is well again for about an hour!
Thanks everyone for the comments. It's just nice knowing that I'm not the only one. :)
Oh dear. Don't scare me ;)LOL I'm pregnant with number two. They will be 2 1/2 years apart in age.
As a former babysitter of multiple children and preschool teacher and a mother of one (at the moment), my suggestion to keep them occupied with things they like. There are so many ways to give attention without making yourself crazy. Praise and consequences are how I would manage the situation.
I find that having them sit together for drawing or finger painting is a good activity for both ages, as long as they are on separate ends of the table. Another is to have the older child read (or tell a story from the pictures) to the younger one. Obviously you can take them outside when it gets nice and let them run around to blow off some steam.
Sometimes giving the older one alone time will make him appreciate the time he does spend with the younger one. The younger one may not understand why he can't play with him, but if you make that time special (doing something only he can do) it will make the transition easier.
The younger one will work better if his activities are kept short and varied. Ten to twenty minutes might be all he can handle on a particular activity. So try to keep him moving. I can help you come up with a schedule if you want.
Juggling your work around all of this is something I think every work at home mom struggles with. I'm not sure how to handle that one with two kids as I am dong it with only one. I'll have to ponder that one for you.
My son has been clingy lately too and while I am secretly cherishing it, it is difficult to get anything done. I am contemplating when the next child would fit in nicely, but I guess there is no "right" time.
I am trying to get together a group of bloggers to read a parenting book together, so far there are aobout 5 of us. Want to join? If you click on my name it will take you to the page that explains it.
I have a 5 year old boy too, and an 8 month old.
Hi, I only have 1 kid now, maybe we'll give her sibling next year. Thanks for posting, at least I know what comes ahead so I can prepare myself.
Love...
Well I feel your pain...my children are 8 1/2 and a year old. So talk about having difficulty playing together...LOL!
Actually my oldest is great with his baby sister but I have been noticing a great deal more defiance in him as of late. Maybe it's the age or stage he's entering or maybe it's just that his sis takes up so much of mom's attention that used to be his -- I have to say that it's probably a combination of the two.
I have been trying to get outside more with him now since it's getting nicer out and while she's napping I have been spending more time with him rather than the housework or laundry. Not sure if that's the best solution but it certainly can't hurt
I have a son who just turned 3 in April and am expecting another son in July. I am having trouble managing the 3 year while being pregnant! This pregnancy is a lot more harder than the first one. I had prelabor contractions last Friday and had to go to labor and delivery for shots to stop them! I am getting scared!!!!!
I have a 34 month old and a 8 month old. My son is always trying to hurt the younger one to get my attention... or the younger one is pulling the older ones hair to get my attention.... The joys of childern!
Hmmm, I know this is a 'Mom blog', but I thought I'd weigh in as a concerned dad (call me Mr. Mom, if you will)on this issue. I must agree with you about two children, they are a handful. My wife and I have a seven YO boy and a 5 YO girl. They are the sweetest kids and each one alone is wonderful. However, there is some sort of synergistic reaction between them when they are together. It seems that they are testing their limits (as usual) and feel it is easier with help from the other. It is possible they are trying to impress the other one with outrageous behavior. I am not sure, but let me say that even with both of us (parents) on duty, they are a handful together. We are constantly needing to be vigilant and correcting behavior most of the time. Don't get me wrong (thouse of you who are worried about having a second child), we love both of our kids and are very happy to be blessed with them. We have never looked back with regret. They do require a lot of extra effort, though, and it can be very exhausting.
All that being said, let me offer my advice...
Be fair, be firm, and be consistent. These three things will take you far when dealing with multiple children. Remember that when you are working with one child, the other one(s) will be observing your interactions. Things you say and do and promise WILL be remembered (and brought up at inopportune times) by all parties involved. Both children will also need to understand that sometimes there are things that one will get to do that the other won't. They will have a tough time with this, but if you are fair, they will get used to it. Also, be sure that the children get individual time with each parent (if possible)so they can develop those special bonds. In addition, give them ample time alone by themselves. Everyone needs time to be by themself to reflect and think and children are no different.
I have some other advice that is just general parenting advice and will help with multiple children as well.
Have a united front with your partner (if you have one), and set limits that you both adhere to. Try to praise the things they do right more than scold the things they do wrong, beacuse they ARE going to do both and you want to reinforce the good as much as possible. NEVER spank or hit them, because they will take this as a sign that it is okay to be abusive if it serves a need. Always lead by example, because you are the one(s) they look up to and they will ultimately learn from your actions. Try to keep outings short, with multiple breaks as time dictates, so that everyone can rest and recoup.
And last, but not least, I know it sounds cliche, but 'Never let them see you sweat'. Children pick up on (and run with) the slightest amount of stress and/or waffling on your part. If they see you flinch or detect that they have gotten to you, they will increase their bad behavior ten fold. At these times, it is imperative to maintain composure and control of the situation. You are still in charge and they need to know it, so act that way. Don't stoop to a lower level (or their level) under pressure and you will be rewarded with children who will learn to be better kids. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen, trust me. The thing to remember is, you (the parents)are in this for the long haul. You have these kids and you are responsible for raising them properly, not their teachers, not their grandparents, YOU! And you CAN do it, it's tough, it's exhausting, but it will all be worth it.
shanti
I can very much relate to the mom who is pregnant with her second child, and has a 3-yr old at home as well. I am pregnant a second time around, and my son is 2 1/2. I am usually exhausted by the evening rolls around, and have often even been sleeping on the couch by Joshua's bedtime (7:30!!). It's a little embarrassing to have your 2-year old say "Mommy, time to get up!" at that time of the night.
My body now is getting tired (I am almost 8 months pregnant) and find it so hard to do the things that I enjoy with my son (rocking him at night, snuggling even, playing on the floor). It is very frustrating.
However, that being said, it is very encouraging to see my son getting excited to welcome the new baby. He often wants to say hi to the baby, and lifts up my shirt to see if the baby is moving or even just to look at my belly. He will be a great big brother.
I do have one major worry, though, and I hope that you moms who have more than one child can shed some light on this for me:
What feelings do you have for the second child? (silly question, I'm sure...) I worry that I couldn't possibly love this new baby as much as I do my son... Everyone that I have talked to says that you wind up loving them just as much, but it's so concerning...
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home