Mommy Guilt
It’s not something that is explained in books or by other seasoned moms. When life is growing inside of you, the “what to expect” series is more often than not by your nightstand and when the baby is born, the “what to expect the first year” is next in line. No where in those books is mommy guilt explained. It’s also not one of those things that other mothers often talk about even though it is in the back of all our minds and it consumes us.
No one tells us it’s ok to feel guilty and no one tells us that we really shouldn’t feel guilty over taking time for ourselves. We find out on our own that we are most likely going to feel guilty over everything we do or don’t do if we don’t think we are doing it right.
Many moms are in constant fear that what they are doing could harm their children in the long run. I am one of those moms who constantly worries what if I said the wrong thing to my children, what if we didn’t spend enough time outside today, or what if I didn’t involve them in enough activities and on and on…
So in the hopes that I will help myself feel better and lift some mommy guilt, I am here to tell you that it’s ok to take time for yourself and not feel guilty about it. We will all be better mothers because of it.
It’s ok to take an hour for yourself and just lie around and watch TV.
It’s ok to have a night out alone with your husband without the kids.
It’s ok to have a night out alone without the husband or the kids (um, seriously). LOL.
It’s ok to splurge on yourself every now and then.
It’s ok if you don’t feel like reading the book for the tenth time or don’t feel like playing the game this time around.
And, the list could go on and on…
I feel like if I am feeling particularly guilty then I am giving more of myself than ever to my kids by overextending myself and by lavishing them with unnecessary gifts. This could possibly do more harm than good to my kids because it isn’t realistic. I feel like I need to do this to get rid of the guilt. If I just take time for me in the first place then this won’t be an issue and everything would be more in balance.
Either way, we all know it is easier said than done but I’m trying to be ok with being me.
Most of all I want my kids to grow up and not need a therapist. Who doesn’t? Even though it sounds weird saying that, it is a valid fear. I want my kids to feel like they can come to me for anything and I want them to really know that I love them with everything inside of me and I would do anything for them.
>Go to the Mom blog Homepage
It’s not something that is explained in books or by other seasoned moms. When life is growing inside of you, the “what to expect” series is more often than not by your nightstand and when the baby is born, the “what to expect the first year” is next in line. No where in those books is mommy guilt explained. It’s also not one of those things that other mothers often talk about even though it is in the back of all our minds and it consumes us.
No one tells us it’s ok to feel guilty and no one tells us that we really shouldn’t feel guilty over taking time for ourselves. We find out on our own that we are most likely going to feel guilty over everything we do or don’t do if we don’t think we are doing it right.
Many moms are in constant fear that what they are doing could harm their children in the long run. I am one of those moms who constantly worries what if I said the wrong thing to my children, what if we didn’t spend enough time outside today, or what if I didn’t involve them in enough activities and on and on…
So in the hopes that I will help myself feel better and lift some mommy guilt, I am here to tell you that it’s ok to take time for yourself and not feel guilty about it. We will all be better mothers because of it.
It’s ok to take an hour for yourself and just lie around and watch TV.
It’s ok to have a night out alone with your husband without the kids.
It’s ok to have a night out alone without the husband or the kids (um, seriously). LOL.
It’s ok to splurge on yourself every now and then.
It’s ok if you don’t feel like reading the book for the tenth time or don’t feel like playing the game this time around.
And, the list could go on and on…
I feel like if I am feeling particularly guilty then I am giving more of myself than ever to my kids by overextending myself and by lavishing them with unnecessary gifts. This could possibly do more harm than good to my kids because it isn’t realistic. I feel like I need to do this to get rid of the guilt. If I just take time for me in the first place then this won’t be an issue and everything would be more in balance.
Either way, we all know it is easier said than done but I’m trying to be ok with being me.
Most of all I want my kids to grow up and not need a therapist. Who doesn’t? Even though it sounds weird saying that, it is a valid fear. I want my kids to feel like they can come to me for anything and I want them to really know that I love them with everything inside of me and I would do anything for them. >Go to the Mom blog Homepage
No one tells us it’s ok to feel guilty and no one tells us that we really shouldn’t feel guilty over taking time for ourselves. We find out on our own that we are most likely going to feel guilty over everything we do or don’t do if we don’t think we are doing it right.
Many moms are in constant fear that what they are doing could harm their children in the long run. I am one of those moms who constantly worries what if I said the wrong thing to my children, what if we didn’t spend enough time outside today, or what if I didn’t involve them in enough activities and on and on…
So in the hopes that I will help myself feel better and lift some mommy guilt, I am here to tell you that it’s ok to take time for yourself and not feel guilty about it. We will all be better mothers because of it.
It’s ok to take an hour for yourself and just lie around and watch TV.
It’s ok to have a night out alone with your husband without the kids.
It’s ok to have a night out alone without the husband or the kids (um, seriously). LOL.
It’s ok to splurge on yourself every now and then.
It’s ok if you don’t feel like reading the book for the tenth time or don’t feel like playing the game this time around.
And, the list could go on and on…
I feel like if I am feeling particularly guilty then I am giving more of myself than ever to my kids by overextending myself and by lavishing them with unnecessary gifts. This could possibly do more harm than good to my kids because it isn’t realistic. I feel like I need to do this to get rid of the guilt. If I just take time for me in the first place then this won’t be an issue and everything would be more in balance.
Either way, we all know it is easier said than done but I’m trying to be ok with being me.
Most of all I want my kids to grow up and not need a therapist. Who doesn’t? Even though it sounds weird saying that, it is a valid fear. I want my kids to feel like they can come to me for anything and I want them to really know that I love them with everything inside of me and I would do anything for them. >Go to the Mom blog Homepage
12 Comments:
Yes, girl...It's OK!
Everyone deserves some alone time. Mothers work 24/7, so they need it the most. You don't need to feel guilty. You are a great mom.
JustRelax
I'm guilty of this too and I'm learning to take time for myself. As everyone keeps telling me, a happy mom = happy kids. I just need to put it into practice now!
I really liked this post alot. I lived my life with guilt, and it just escalated after I had children. It is a nice reminder that all of us need lives outside of our children. It is the healthy thing to do, and I think our kids are better off when mom is rested!
I strive to be the best mother I can be. I attribute that a lot to not having a mother myself growing up. When I do stop to think about the guilt, I remember how much I resented those kids that took it for granted that they had a mom. My kid is going to feel that way. She is never going to know the feeling of growing up alone, and that helps minimize some of the mommy guilt for me.
I often wonder how men have no father-guilt!??!?!
I think that we all need a break every now and then to keep our sanity. I feel guilty over alot of things but have recently begun to realize that feeling guilty does nothing except cause us to feel bad which in turn ends up trickling down to the kids. They know when something is wrong even when we try our best to hide it.
I feel guilty alot too....but not all families are perfect.
i'm with you on this one. we have a nite out every week once a week w/o hannah and its been a lifesaver! we need time alone too!!! you go girl :)
There IS a book about Mommy Guilt! The title is "Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most and Raise Happier Kids". Aviva and I are trying to absolve guilt...one mommy at a time. While we will never be truly "guilt free" as some of the guilt really is helpful, there are many parents out there who really need more encouragement and support to enjoy their parenting. We think our book does a decent job of handing over the control to parents to make the decisions for their families knowing they are the ones living with them, not the experts, but sometimes we are too stressed out to think of a different approach, idea or embrace a suggestion. The book is set up in such a way so you can pick up and put down as needed because how many of us can read a whole book in 5 minute intervals and remember what we read? ; )
Oh yes, mommy guilt is a very real thing. (and I guess guilt is really kind of part of being a woman -- because I have always had guilt about one thing or another.) Like right now I feel guilty because I'm not playing with my girls, but if I were playing with them I'd feel guilty for not catching up with blogs...
((bangs head on wall))
Mommy guilt is a heavy burden! It took me at least three years to realize it was okay to hand over the reins to my husband for a while.
Thanks for blogrolling me!
At least once a day I think, "I'm a terrible mom!" At least once a week, I am right. So I comfort myself witht the fact that I am harder on myself than I need to be. Plus, my daughter calls me Angel Face, so I can't be that bad!
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