A Freak Accident
In my last post I referenced having another tragic event happen in between my trip back to visit with my Mom this past week. As if I didn't have enough to deal with already. I'm starting to believe a curse is upon me or someone has a voodoo doll with my name on it.
Furthermore, if you are tired of reading very long posts where bad things are constantly happening then you may want to skip this not-so-lovely post today.
To begin...
When we got home on Wednesday I hugged by boys, played with them then starting re-packing to leave and drive back 3 hours to where my Mom was. During all of this I also started cleaning the house up since we had left it a disaster the morning we left for Cincinnati. While Hot Daddy tackled the dishes, I started doing laundry.
The minutes after this will forever be embedded in my memory, or maybe not because I'm really trying my hardest to forget.
So, I put some clothes along with a blanket into the dryer then walked over to my MIL’s to get my youngest son’s medicine to pack for our trip back. During that time, we had some family come to visit and they wanted to see our kittens. So, my son comes to me and says he can’t find our kitten, Graby. So I went into the house and started calling for Graby thinking he would be in his favorite hiding place under my bed but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t lying in the bathtub either. And then I decided to check the dryer since I heard an unusual knocking sound. And even though I went and opened up the dryer door, I really didn’t expect to find him there. What I found was probably one of the more traumatic things in my life so far. Our little Graby was lifeless in the dryer. I had accidentally killed my little boy's kitten. The immediate pain I felt knowing that I had actually contributed to an animal's death was shocking.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I had let my children down. I know this is just a cat I am talking about here, and life can get much much worse but it's still heartbreaking especially when I see my kids hurting.
Everyone says that it’s not my fault but ultimately I am responsible. I’m angry at myself for not checking the dryer before turning it on. I’m angry because I walked away. I’m angry at the cat for getting in the dryer. I’m angry because no one else thought to check out the weird thumping sound in the dryer. Ultimately, I’m exhausted, my kids are hurting, and I keep replaying everything over and over as if I can change something. I know that accidents happen all the time but knowing this still doesn't make me feel any better. I know the feeling I feel right now will go away in time...probably within a few days. Talking about it helps. Constantly going back to "Hey, it's JUST a cat!" helps too.
Having this happen has really made me realize that I've got too much going on in my life right now. It's time I started doing something about it because life is way too short to live like this where you are so busy that you don't even realize your cat is missing until you've found it dead in the dryer 30 minutes later.
I've got to stop the stress and worry over things/people I cannot control. And, I've got to stop being nice and start saying no so that I'm not so frazzled and pulled in a thousand different directions every day of my life. It's funny how a freak accident put it all into perspective for me.Labels: freak accidents
In my last post I referenced having another tragic event happen in between my trip back to visit with my Mom this past week. As if I didn't have enough to deal with already. I'm starting to believe a curse is upon me or someone has a voodoo doll with my name on it.
Furthermore, if you are tired of reading very long posts where bad things are constantly happening then you may want to skip this not-so-lovely post today.
To begin...
When we got home on Wednesday I hugged by boys, played with them then starting re-packing to leave and drive back 3 hours to where my Mom was. During all of this I also started cleaning the house up since we had left it a disaster the morning we left for Cincinnati. While Hot Daddy tackled the dishes, I started doing laundry.
The minutes after this will forever be embedded in my memory, or maybe not because I'm really trying my hardest to forget.
So, I put some clothes along with a blanket into the dryer then walked over to my MIL’s to get my youngest son’s medicine to pack for our trip back. During that time, we had some family come to visit and they wanted to see our kittens. So, my son comes to me and says he can’t find our kitten, Graby. So I went into the house and started calling for Graby thinking he would be in his favorite hiding place under my bed but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t lying in the bathtub either. And then I decided to check the dryer since I heard an unusual knocking sound. And even though I went and opened up the dryer door, I really didn’t expect to find him there. What I found was probably one of the more traumatic things in my life so far. Our little Graby was lifeless in the dryer. I had accidentally killed my little boy's kitten. The immediate pain I felt knowing that I had actually contributed to an animal's death was shocking.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I had let my children down. I know this is just a cat I am talking about here, and life can get much much worse but it's still heartbreaking especially when I see my kids hurting.
Everyone says that it’s not my fault but ultimately I am responsible. I’m angry at myself for not checking the dryer before turning it on. I’m angry because I walked away. I’m angry at the cat for getting in the dryer. I’m angry because no one else thought to check out the weird thumping sound in the dryer. Ultimately, I’m exhausted, my kids are hurting, and I keep replaying everything over and over as if I can change something. I know that accidents happen all the time but knowing this still doesn't make me feel any better. I know the feeling I feel right now will go away in time...probably within a few days. Talking about it helps. Constantly going back to "Hey, it's JUST a cat!" helps too.
Having this happen has really made me realize that I've got too much going on in my life right now. It's time I started doing something about it because life is way too short to live like this where you are so busy that you don't even realize your cat is missing until you've found it dead in the dryer 30 minutes later.
I've got to stop the stress and worry over things/people I cannot control. And, I've got to stop being nice and start saying no so that I'm not so frazzled and pulled in a thousand different directions every day of my life. It's funny how a freak accident put it all into perspective for me.
Furthermore, if you are tired of reading very long posts where bad things are constantly happening then you may want to skip this not-so-lovely post today.
To begin...
When we got home on Wednesday I hugged by boys, played with them then starting re-packing to leave and drive back 3 hours to where my Mom was. During all of this I also started cleaning the house up since we had left it a disaster the morning we left for Cincinnati. While Hot Daddy tackled the dishes, I started doing laundry.
The minutes after this will forever be embedded in my memory, or maybe not because I'm really trying my hardest to forget.
So, I put some clothes along with a blanket into the dryer then walked over to my MIL’s to get my youngest son’s medicine to pack for our trip back. During that time, we had some family come to visit and they wanted to see our kittens. So, my son comes to me and says he can’t find our kitten, Graby. So I went into the house and started calling for Graby thinking he would be in his favorite hiding place under my bed but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t lying in the bathtub either. And then I decided to check the dryer since I heard an unusual knocking sound. And even though I went and opened up the dryer door, I really didn’t expect to find him there. What I found was probably one of the more traumatic things in my life so far. Our little Graby was lifeless in the dryer. I had accidentally killed my little boy's kitten. The immediate pain I felt knowing that I had actually contributed to an animal's death was shocking.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I had let my children down. I know this is just a cat I am talking about here, and life can get much much worse but it's still heartbreaking especially when I see my kids hurting.
Everyone says that it’s not my fault but ultimately I am responsible. I’m angry at myself for not checking the dryer before turning it on. I’m angry because I walked away. I’m angry at the cat for getting in the dryer. I’m angry because no one else thought to check out the weird thumping sound in the dryer. Ultimately, I’m exhausted, my kids are hurting, and I keep replaying everything over and over as if I can change something. I know that accidents happen all the time but knowing this still doesn't make me feel any better. I know the feeling I feel right now will go away in time...probably within a few days. Talking about it helps. Constantly going back to "Hey, it's JUST a cat!" helps too.
Having this happen has really made me realize that I've got too much going on in my life right now. It's time I started doing something about it because life is way too short to live like this where you are so busy that you don't even realize your cat is missing until you've found it dead in the dryer 30 minutes later.
I've got to stop the stress and worry over things/people I cannot control. And, I've got to stop being nice and start saying no so that I'm not so frazzled and pulled in a thousand different directions every day of my life. It's funny how a freak accident put it all into perspective for me.
Labels: freak accidents
Permalink posted by PetiteMommy at 7:21 AM
9 Comments:
Amanda, what a terrible experience for you and your family.
I know you're feeling convicted about being busy and I think slowing down is a good move for every mom.
BUT - I echo that it isn't your fault. I've had a lot of kittens in my life and have never checked the dryer before starting it. It was a freak situation.
You're a good mama to feel this bad - but don't let it sink to deep ok?
I'm sorry Amanda. I felt something similar when my puppy got run over. He used to always greet me when I got off the bus. I felt that it was my fault when he came running and got hit.
Kelly's right, don't be too hard on yourself. Who would ever expect a kitten to even be able to crawl into the dryer? It's a freak thing.
Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry for you. What a terrible experience to live through.
Sorry to hear about your kitten. I know you feel horrible, but really, it isn't your fault. I've had a few kittens die on me. It's always been from silly stuff that they have done. It still hurts though.
One time my ferret snuck out of the house, out in the 9 inches of snow. Another time she got into the refrigerator, but we found her in time.
I hope you'll be feeling better soon.
that is horrible... I am so sorry :(
I knew someone who had this happen to her kitten, but the kitten didn't die, instead it caused a lot brain damage, and out of guilt they kept him, even though he wasn't exactly a great pet after the incidence. He consistently did not use the litterbox, he cried all the time...I can't remember every little thing, but this was one messed up kitten.
Anyway, because I knew this person, I am persistent in checking our dryer, even though we keep it closed.
A couple years ago, I came across an almost dead small dog. It had obviously been mauled to almost death by some sort of animal (they think it was another dog). When I found it, it kind of perked up, but on the way to the vet it died. To this day, I wish I had acted quicker, I was angry at the dogs (both dogs) owners because they let their dogs wander loose. Angry that I had to find it and angry at myself because I couldn't do anything about it.
I still have nightmares about it. I can't walk by the place I found the dog without seeing it there. I can't leave my own dogs out in the backyard without checking on them all the time to make sure they didn't get out, or another dog got in (and either my dogs kill the other dog, or the other dog kills my dogs).
I know this isn't comforting, but I do know how you feel. It is almost a PTSD experience. But there is nothing you can or could do about it at the time.
I guess what could be comforting is that he died immediately and you didn't have to make any decisions, or deal with a brain damaged cat for the rest of its life.
Oh, it's just awful! But like you said it IS a freak accident. I'm so sorry!
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the same thing happened today to my mom,and she feels the same as you.
we forgived her and all that
but she thinks that everything is her fault.
i still cant get over it
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