If I get it all out now, I may feel better when I turn 30 years old in October. Just writing the words 30. years. old. SCARES me. There are some things I thought would never happen to me. Turning 30 or just getting older for that matter WAS one of them. Getting older is downright frightening.

Starting next month, I can no longer say I’m in my twenties and I can’t refer to myself as a “twentysomething”. Honestly, I get anxious just thinking about it. I’m trying not to be whiny or be a baby about it but I just don’t want to get older. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stay in our twenties forever? I’d be happy at 29 forever. I think. Ask me in a few years.

As I approach 30. I feel like I’m just beginning the soul searching, spirituality questioning, and the finding of who I truly am. When I was in my teens and early 20′s, I thought I would be perfectly settled at 30. But my life is anything but settled. I never imagined my life with children. And, now I could not imagine my life without my children. I guess I just thought things would be different than they are now. I see people around us our age and realize that we are so not typical and I’m ok with that. I know some people think our life is one big busy-crazy mess. But to me it’s what it should be.

(Me before kids: age 23) I’ve also realized that I have grown so much as a person in the last few years. I’m such a different person than I was five years ago. My boys are my world and having them has led me to what I am good at. If I hadn’t become a mom, I dont think I would have ever pursued my own business. By my standards, my home business is successful. It has taken me time to get there, but I have a better income now than I have ever had before and I’m able to do it while staying at home with my children. I know that sounds like an advertisement from some get rich quick scheme on tv but it’s true. I’m not sure if its luck or all the hard work over the past 3 years has finally paid off. Either way, I am content.

Some other things I have realized about myself are that I’m actually comfortable with who I am now. I like being me. I’ve realized that I have to do what is right for me and my family and not go by everyone else’s standards or what is socially acceptable.

On a daily basis, people tell me I look way younger than my age and they jokingly ask what kind of well am I drinking from. I usually just smile and say I’m almost 30. Even though everyone around me says I look young, that still doesn’t make me feel any better about turning 30. Because I’m still turning 30 and I’m still getting older no matter what and that makes me realize that life will not go on forever. It makes me realize that I have to cherish all the moments I have with my children, my family, my husband, and friends NOW.

I know turning 30 is not the end of the world but turning 30 is a HUGE turning point and makes you look back on what you have done so far with your life. I’m content with my life thus far and I’m hoping my 30′s will be even better.